the Path of I

by Stephen Locke

I watched as my partner began pushing my buttons. - Again!
I reacted with anger. -Again!
"I hate you, you just love to push my buttons!"
"Well, maybe you,  are to damn sensitive, why are your buttons so easy to push?"
"I hate myself when I get angry, It only empowers you "to move in for the kill".

"Get out. "
"You get out!"
"You get out! "
"Fine, I'm leaving."

I witness myself going to the park to meditate.
I witness my self sitting and breathing.
I remember there was an I who experienced my partner pushing my buttons.
I remember there was an I who experienced my rush of adrenaline.
I remember there was an I who experienced my anger.
I remember there was an I who experienced hating myself for getting angry.
I remember there was an I who experienced lashing out verbally.
I remember there was an I who experienced the escalation yelling "You get out!"
I remember there was an I who experienced the decision to leave.
I remember there was an I who experienced the decision to go to the park to meditate.

Sitting in meditation,
I notice there is an I who is a witness to these memories.

I notice there is an I who is a witness to my anger.
Behind that, I notice there is an I who is a witness to hating my anger.
Behind that, I notice there is an I who is a witness to judging my anger.
Behind that, I notice there is an I who is a witness to judging my judgement.

But then, 

Behind that I, I notice an I willing to witness compassion for my anger.
Behind that I, I notice yet another I, who is willing to witness compassion for judging my anger.
Behind that I, I notice yet another I, who is willing to witness compassion for my hatred.

Behind that I, I notice yet another I, who is willing to witness the adrenaline rush leaving my body.
Behind that I, I notice still another I, who is willing to witness compassion for my partner.
Behind that I, I notice still another I, who is willing to witness dropping the entire story
of what happened.

Behind that I, I notice still another I, who is simply willing to witness the breath.


I then notice that the I has been there all along.

This omnipresent I was already in place prior to fighting
with my partner.

I notice this I was ready, willing, and able to witness the guts and grit
of a yelling match. 

I notice this I was ready, willing, and able to give up the fight.

I notice this I was ready, willing, and able to witness meditation in the park.

I notice this I was ready, willing, and able to witness the story dropped and simple breathing.

I notice this omnipresent I, has no attachment to the story.

I notice this omnipresent I, has no attachment to the outcome.

I notice this omnipresent I follows me wherever I go.

I notice this omnipresent I is already waiting for me when I get there.

I notice this omnipresent I, has no attachment to anything that happens to me.

I realise this omnipresent I, is always present in any situation.

I realise this omnipresent I, would even follow me into a horrific car crash.

This omnipresent I, would be in the car crash waiting for me.

This omnipresent I, would willingly witness the experience of severe head trauma and a total loss of memory.

I realise this omnipresent I, would be perfectly willing to witness my confusion and the experience of being lost without, the 
51 year old story of who I am.

I realise this omnipresent I, would be willing witness my confusion as I try to relearn the alphabet.

All of a sudden.  I realise,  this omnipresent I,  has no attatchment to my memory.

This omnipresent I, is not the memory of who I am.

This omnipresent I, is pure emptiness, it has no fixed characteristics.



I realise this omnipresent I, could even be, the I in my partner.

I realise this omnipresent I, is not attatched to my form, therefore it would be
ready willing and able to witness my partners form.

I realise this omnipresent I, is identical to the I in my partner.

I realise this omnipresent I, is the I  in my partner.

Me and my partner share the same I.

This I,  is present throughout my being.

This I,  is present throughout my partners being.

My body. My partnersbody. One I.


Wherever I look,  inside myself,  I see the I.

Whenever I bother to look,  inside my partner,  I see the I.


I see the I, willing to inhabit my self or my partner.


This is the path of I.

I can follow this path into the heart of any person.

This is the path of I.

The one pure and clear witness.

I am the I,  who stands witness to all experiences in human form where ever that may be.

I am,  the one pure and clear witness,  who shatters the illusion of separation.

I am the twelve-year-old girl who throws herself into the ocean after being
raped by a sea pirate.

I am the sea-pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving,
as I rape my disowned self and shamefully throw her into the ocean.