Dog Parables (working on our blindspots)

Cesar Milan

by Jim McGraw

A 21st Century Parable, maybe…..
A number of years ago I was having an appointment with a person at my job. About half-way through our conversation, this thought emerged in my mind; “whoa, this person smells like dog poop”. Naturally, I didn’t say anything to the individual, and was able to let this observation pass as we proceeded to focus on the issues at hand. The next hour I had another appointment with different person. In a similar fashion, through the course of our conversation I became aware that this person smelled exactly the same way. Again, I said nothing to the person, but I had more internal dialog since this happened twice in a row. I thought to myself, ‘how amazing, what are the odds that this could happen twice in a row, I truly live in a world of wonders, I can’t wait to tell someone about this, blah, blah, blah…’ (parenthetically, of course by now some of you are anticipating the punchline, that I was oblivious to at the time). Back to my story…so I had finished up with that appointment and went on with the rest of my day. Later that afternoon I had a meeting with my co-workers. Through the course of the meeting, I pushed myself back from the conference table to stretch. I also crossed my legs, putting my right foot on top of my left knee in a type of lazy half-lotus position. Instantly the smell of dog poop returned, and I discovered much to my surprise that I had a fairly huge amount of Golden Retriever on the bottom of my right shoe. Even though I’m a bit slow on the uptake at times, the pieces began to fall into place. That morning I had walked through our backyard which our dog, Cara, uses as her master bathroom. More importantly, I unknowingly left the backyard with secret gift from our dog and went straight to work. In retrospect, it became apparent that I had been the source of the mystery aroma all day even though I automatically assumed it was someone else.

Of course the moral to this story is fairly clear. I tend to see in others what are actually my problems. This crude example of dog poop on my shoe is very basic and easy to admit. It is more difficult for me to admit that the very people that push my buttons are the ones that touch some disowned aspect of myself. There are many names for this process; our baggage, our triggers, or the projection our Shadow side. It is easier to react to our weaknesses as seen in others, as opposed to revealing our blindspots and acknowledging our own shortcomings. Who is he culprit at the bottom of this process? Our ego; our little self that attempts to prop-up the facade of our public persona. A quote by Anais Nin captures this process eloquently “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are”.

Some people assert that a clue to our projections are our emotional reactions that are out of proportion to the situation (e.g., anger, envy, revulsion). I think some well-know political figures exemplify how others can elicit rage in people. For example, some people not only disagree with George, or Hillary, or Barach or Al Gore, but they have an intense visceral reaction to the person; perhaps this is evidence of these individuals touching something in us that we perceive as unacceptable or unrefined.

The process of projection seems very common in we unenlightened folk. Little things about other people drive us crazy and we find ourselves trapped in repetitive responses. For me, I have to admit that one of my issues get triggered when my spouse or daughter misplace something. When this happens it particularly irks me, and I’m sure it’s due to the fact that I lose stuff quite frequently. Another trigger for me is when someone is talking and they attempt to give the pretense that they know what they are talking about even though it appears highly questionable; naturally this pushes my buttons because I’m doing the very same thing myself this very moment. And now back to you. Think of a characteristic in others that pushes your buttons, perhaps something small that you encounter frequently. Also, reflect upon your common reactions; frustration, ill will toward the person, indignation, gossiping behaviors? Lastly, consider how this may be a repetitive pattern, in that this behavior in others and your reactions elicit the same suffering time after time. Buddhist thought recognizes this tendency in humans, and offers us methods to alter the pattern. A short passage, attributed to the historical Buddha himself, provides a vivid image of this process. Coincidentally, he also uses a dog in his message:

“Suppose, monks, a dog tied up on a leash was bound to a strong post or pillar: it would just keep on running and revolving around that same post or pillar. So too, the uninstructed worldling regards form as self… feeling as self… perception as self… volitional formations as self… consciousness as self… He just keeps running and revolving around them, his is not freed from form, not freed from feeling, not freed from perception, not freed from volitional formation, not freed from consciousness. He is not freed from birth, aging, and death; not freed from sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair; not freed from suffering I say.” (In the Buddha’s Words by Bhikkhu Bodhi, 2005, p. 39-40) This quote is from the book, In the Buddha’s Words by Bhikkhu Bodhi. A quick aside about the style and phrasing of this passage. The editor Bhikkuh Bodhi notes that the words of Siddhartha Gotama were not written down for a long time, therefore his teachings were memorized by monks so they could be passed-on verbally. For that reason, he explains that much of the repetitive style of the passages are due to the nature of the oral transmission of the teachings.

Back to content of this message from the Buddha. At times we are the dog getting tangled-up in our thoughts about self; the mental formations of what we identify with as self, and the things we don’t accept or admit about ourselves but project onto others. And so we spin around the pole again and again, and we like to blame the pole, even though it is our own running that is the real problem. So now, let’s be Buddha-nature dogs and stop our unconscious running, pause, and do something different. Buddhism offers numerous practices, including things that fall under the Noble Eightfold Steps of Right View and Right Effort, that help us liberate ourselves from these negative, habitual reactions. I’ll begin by using myself as an example:

When my spouse or daughter misplace something, I can be consciously aware that this is an old trigger of mine that reminds me of my periodic spaceyness. When my associated feelings of frustration and anger emerge, I can choose to be conscious of my own feelings and even state something to myself silently (“hello petty frustration, I see you are back”).
Breathe and try to remain mindful of the feeling, practicing one of the four foundations of mindfulness- being aware of the feeling in the feeling. At this point it is very important to use Right Effort to take my awareness away from the person who has triggered this response , and keep the focus on me and my feelings, internal formations, and projections. Throughout this time I attempt to breath mindfully and simply observe the rising and passing of my reaction with non-judgmental awareness.
When the time is right, that is, when I am sufficiently calm and collected, I try to use discerning wisdom to uncover the roots of my reaction. Perhaps I’m mad when my daughter loses a book in the house because every morning I have difficulty finding my shoes. Maybe I should do something different, maybe I should ask our dog for help.
4) Lastly, as the event ends, I can reflect on how this experience was different. I got less frustrated with my daughter and didn’t get our morning off to a rough start. Also, I was able to laugh at myself and accept my disorganization while trying to work on it. I also recognize that life will offer me many more opportunities to develop this unevolved aspect of myself.

These steps are not new. They are simply the compilation of well-known Buddhist practices including awareness, breathing, mindfulness, and looking deeply. The core idea revolves around Right View- remembering that we create our strong emotional reactions by our own thoughts.

Now I invite you to do a mental rehearsal for an actual event that commonly pushes your buttons. Please recall the person and characteristic that triggers a strong reaction in you and let’s go through these same steps while you visualize yourself creating new, more skillful patterns:

Become consciously aware that this person’s behavior is a trigger for you and represents an area of potential growth for yourself. .Heighten your awareness of your feelings and reactions that arise in this situation. Please state something to silently to yourself to identify the feelings or reactions, such as “hello frustration…, envy, disgust….pride,….. I see you are back”.
Breathe and try to remain mindful of the feeling, practicing one of the four foundations of mindfulness-being aware of the feeling in the feeling. Where do you feel it in your body? Use Right Effort to take your awareness away from the person who has triggered this response , and keep the light of awareness on yourself and your feelings, internal formations, and projections.
Please stay with your reactions in a calm way, using your breathing meditation skills to calm yourself and practice calm abiding. Simply observe your feelings using non-judgmental awareness.
When the time is right, use discerning wisdom to uncover the roots of your reactions. Perhaps this person reminds you of something in yourself; what is it? Perhaps this person is a Buddha in disguise, and is giving you a precious lesson that you can not receive in any other way? Reflect on how this interaction was different. Maybe you got less tangled-up in the leash of your own projections and mental formations. Maybe you were even able to detach yourself from this little round of suffering by laughing at the folly of your little self.

Since you have done a quick visualization of this interaction, I encourage you to seek out the person and situation you just visualized within the next couple of weeks and experiment with the practice in real life. Think how intentionally encountering this situation and engaging in a different response will transform the quality of your experience. The author Rollo May speaks to this when he asserts “All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation”. Clearly, there is a lot of energy tied-up in our strong emotional reactions; what Rollo May refers to as evil. Unfortunately, this vitality is misused or even destructive if we manifest ill will toward those people that mirror disowned aspects of ourselves. Conversely, we can choose to transform this energy into insight, compassion and constructive action.

Some of you have already been doing this. Last week, Fattah spoke of some of his reactions he has to a well known political leader. In his talk, Fattah acknowledged how his own issues that were triggered by this person. At the same time, Fattah modeled Engaged Buddhism by sending an editorial comment to the New York Times regarding his opinions regarding this leader’s actions.

As we wind-down on today’s talk, please reflect on the meaning you derive from these stories. For me there are a couple of main points:

The first- a reminder that other people, especially people that push our buttons, can be our best teachers because they reveal areas for improvement in ourselves. In short, life is therapeutic if we chose to respond to these lessons skillfully, and Buddhism gives us very specific practices in order to do this.

The second point- In response to the famous Zen Koan- Does a dog have the Buddha nature?- I think the answer is clear, and, it probably also applies to cats.

And the third point- A mundane reminder to always check the bottom of our shoes before we go to work.